Why Speaking is More Dangerous than Listening

"Listen to me, all of you, and understand: there is nothing outside a person that by going in can defile, but the things that come out are what defile." (Mark 7:14-15)

Admittedly in this passage Jesus is referring to the purity and dietary laws of the Jewish tradition, but I was struck upon reading these words tonight how they also reveal a truth about listening versus speaking. When we are more concerned with listening (that is what we are taking into ourselves) rather than speaking (that is what comes out of ourselves) we avoid the consequence of defilement.

All too often when we speak it is to assert power, or an attempt to reclaim power - to say to the other "My ideas are just as important, if not more so, than yours." This is not always the case, there are many situations when speaking is a means of supporting and caring. Even so, sometimes the intended support ends up causing greater injury. Think of the many not-so-helpful things people say to someone grieving the loss of a loved one, clichés like "God needed another angel in heaven" or "They're in a better place now." Well meaning perhaps, but probably more hurtful than helpful.

It seems to me the world would be a much better place if people focused on listening more than speaking. Listening affirms the other person, it tells them they are important, that they are noticed, that they matter. Speaking can have the opposite effect, it tells others that "I am important, that I should be paid attention to, that I matter." This subtle self-centeredness can quickly make a mess of things. A few words can create a lot of hurt, as is written in the letter of James "So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great exploits. How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire!" (James 3:5)

Listening is more important that speaking, it builds relationships, it creates community, it seeks to understand the other. If we are to truly love others as we love ourselves, it begins with listening. Without listening how else are we to know how best to offer support or help. Without listening how else are we to learn, and thus to grow. Without listening how else are we to hear God calling?

By listening to someone, by taking time to hear their what's in their mind, what's on their heart, we silently express love. By speaking to someone (without caring to listen to them first) we risk running over them with words, injuring or ignoring them. What comes out truly can make the whole situation messy, or unclean. There are times to speak up - when injustice needs to be challenged, when actions are misinterpreted, when affirmation needs to be offered - however I suspect most of the time we talk it is not to do these things, it serves a different agenda. It's time to start listening more.

May you hear the challenge of Christ to listen more than you talk. May the Spirit of God give you the patience and wisdom needed to listen well, and listen often. May your intentional listening reveal you as an agent of peace and love.